Maidless in USJ!

Like it or not, we’ve been spoilt!

When Su, our maid informs me that her father was ill and that she wanted to go back to Indonesia soon, I panic, as I could not imagine life without a maid!

Within 2 weeks, she left, not knowing if she’ll come back. She did promise to return in 2 months time, if we would wait for her, but with her father’s condition, I was not too hopeful. At that point I was hunting for a new maid high and low – but all the maid agencies informs me that it would take 2 to 3months for a new maid to come, if I’m lucky.

The first few days was quite hectic, topsy turvy adjusting to the new way of life – the kids schedule, Zaher & my busy work schedule.  We are blessed with both our mothers living nearby and they, together with my sister helped us out especially with the kids scheduling.

Soon, we came a routine. Zaher & I taking turns getting the kids ready for school. Both grandmas taking turns being home when they got home from school. Either simple meals, cooked at home or eating out.

In all these hardship, we found the strength in each other. Zaher, with his bad back would stand by the sink every night with the dishes. Dina (14)  took over the ironing, Kamil (12) the laundry & even Jasmine (5) helped out (her favourite is doing  the dishes! Everyone helped out whenever they could (more like when asked to!) And I reallised, although it is an inconvenience, it is  not a hardship at all, when you have supportive and coorperative family to lighten the burden.     

True to her words, Su came back after slightly more than 2 months. He father is getting better. So now, we’re back to being spoilt silly!

More Rice.... anyone?

In one of the Communications Seminar I attended, we discussed on Direct and Indirect Communication. The Asian society,  generally communicate indirectly and the concept of “Saving Face” is very much observed.

This brings to mind on how I was brought up. To be careful in my speech – lest I offend someone. We are learn to read body language, nuances and read between the lines.

And unless you are adept at this communication style, you might just be lost in the whole conversation, which can be exasperating.

My mother told me a story once, which illustrate the point;

In the olden days, there were 2 friends having lunch together. At one point the conversation goes like this:

Guest : This is a beautiful plate, where did you get it from?

Host  : (Went to the kitchen and bring out the rice pot) I got it at the same shop I bought this rice pot.

S, what’s the moral of the story? It seems a simple enough conversation to me. But my mother then explained; when the guest talked about her plate, she’s actually pointing out that her plate is empty; but too polite to ask for more rice.

And the host, who is understands the underlying message, quickly got up to get the rice pot and showed it to the guest, indirectly telling her, look, there’s no more rice left to offer!!

So in this case, the 2 friends were actually communicating about having a second helping of rice, without the embarrassment of having to ask for it and to be informed that there’s none left!

So…More Rice Anyone?

Culture - A Man's Gift to Himself

In 1986,  participated in the AFS Program and was hosted by the Cowan Family in Wanganui, New Zealand. Our chapter organized for us to attend a 3 months, Youth Leadership Program that was conducted by the Toastmasters International District 72. At the end of the program, we were asked to make a  10 minute speech on any topic. I pondered for weeks on what to talk about. Both Mum & Dad were very supportive; helping  me through my thought process and mum helped type the text below(this is before computers). I rehearsed the speech so many times in front of them that I knew it by heart. At the end of the program, I was picked to deliver it again at the main Toastmaster's Club. And I guess, because of the topic I chose is very close to the AFS's mission, throughout the rest of the year, I was asked to give the speech to the various Clubs, Classes and Organisation.

Mum, Dad, 

Thank you for your support and love. This is for you.

CULTURE: MAN’S GIFT TO HIMSELF

I have often wondered what culture really means. Is it the food you eat, the things you do, the way you speak everyday? Or is it the way you celebrate the odd festival or two like Christmas, New year’s Day, Easter or weddings.

Well, the Webster dictionary defines it as –

“The total pattern of human behavior and its products embodied in thought, speech, action and artifacts and dependant upon man’s capacity for learning and transmitting knowledge to succeeding generations through the use of tools, language and systems of abstracting thought.”

Culture is what you’ve been brought up with, what you’ve been taught to do all the time, it’s you. Everyone has got their own culture, it might not be the same as yours and mine, in fact, they might clash with yours and mine but nevertheless, they are still culture. There are no rights or wrongs in anyone’s culture, they are just different.

Culture, to me, is respecting my elders, taking my shoes off when entering a house, eating with my fingers, not expressing myself openly to people, and yet to you all these things might mean as an insult. But still, I’d expect you to take off your shoes when you come into my house, and not brand me as uncivilized when I eat with my fingers. I’ve been doing it for 18 years now and I would not appreciate it if you tell me that what I am doing is wrong and uncivilized.

In Malaysia we have lots of different races with different cultures, languages, customs and religions. I have been lucky to have been brought up amongst a lot of different cultures, I have learnt to accept the different cultures that surround me and I have even adopted some of the other cultures. The Chinese for instance, usually greet the head of the house (the parents) when they visit their friends and it has become so much a part of me. My Chinese friends, on the other hand, will always “salam” my parents when entering my house. We have learnt to accept and respect each other’s culture, it is something that we’ve practiced all over our lives and have become our very own.

The World has a multitude of cultures, we have all been brought up differently, with our own values and outlook on almost everything. In fact, we can say that we see life through culture spectacles, some get a broader view and can accept the other culture but sadly some appear to have blinkers on their ‘culture spectacles’ and can only see what they want to see and thus experience great difficulty in accepting other’s ways. “Man’s inhumanity towards man has been part of our lives ever since God created man.”

I went to Rotorua for the National Maori Speech Contest with the school Maori group. The two long days that we had was filled with Maori culture – the Powhiri, Karakia, Haangi, Waiaita and many more.

All that made me look back on my own culture, my family, how I’ve been brought up, and what’s important to me. Through my AFS years, I’ve been through the ‘Culture Shock’, adapted to my new family and their culture, seen the Maori culture and I realise how much a part of me my culture is. I’ve always thought I was different from my own people, my Malaysian friends; having had the opportunity to travel extensively and meet a lot of people from all over the world. I can now see that this is not true. The way I think, the way I speak, the way I relate to people, the way I do things is very much the same as my Malay friends.

I can now say I’m proud to be a Malay and I’m proud of my culture because I feel that without a culture you’re nobody. The only difference between me and my Malay friends is that I have lived in and adapted to a culture which is totally different and new to me.

This World is such a small World, especially now with modern technology, when you can travel from one end to the other within a few hours, when you can see what is happening on the other side of the World at the very same moment it happens, and talk to someone who is a million miles away by a mere touch of a button. But what is it that makes this World so special? The natural beauty? The modern technology? To me it’s the people that make the World go round. Each individual with their own culture. And it’s very important to have a good understanding among all the other human races of the World, if you want a peaceful life. To do that we all have to take our blinkers off and start seeing things through the many angles of the World. Only then can we accept, understand and respect other cultures, only then can you be proud of your own culture and only then can we have peace and harmony in this World.

“To despise a man is human nature, but to despise a race of men is the unpardonable sin.”

Atty Sulaiman

October 1986

Note : This article also appears in "Global Exchange - 50 Stories of Intercultural Experience" published by AFS Antarabudaya Malaysia in conjunction with their 50th Anniversary Celebration in 2008.